Dear wonky eyed girl - I don't trust you

First, an apology for blogging twice in one day. But seriously, my senses have overloaded with all of the shit I've seen since I've been here so apology retracted!

This post will introduce the inner workings of my brain, so apology reinstated....but under different circumstances so don't go gloating.

I was on the train (I have a feeling a majority of posts will start with this) when I noticed a gem of a struggle. We'll call her Alexa because I feel like it fits. Let me describe her for you - she was probably 25 but looked like she was 18 and sound like she was a 5 year old girl that had some problems connecting her synapses. The worst part, above everything else, were her wonky eyes.

Now I consider myself an expert on wonky eyes, and in my experience I have noticed several kinds of wonky eyes.

There is the *endearing wonky eyes* that are only slightly off and give the sort of response you would give to a puppy that's still learning to walk (ADORABLE, RIGHT?). I can't ever tell, but I think I might have this kind, the only good kind, of wonky eye. Andy Cohen of Bravo is a prime example of this good category of wonky eye. Here's a photo link
http://cdn.videogum.com/files/2009/07/andy_cohen.jpg
PS-I might have an evil plot to get a job at Bravo so that I can gawk at Andy Cohen all day....

Then there is the blind awkward wonky eye that you only see when blind people think its a good idea to take off their sun glasses to make a point to a person who they think is in front of them. Another picture to explain my point.
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilmINaJ7Xjidfvt1RJba9XcpKv0tPam4Vmh5iPRI-edEUfyAJBM9YiNyBBzPXPYuUx3q1l8ZFMyvIP-MocyOT51lNdgzvXyfI_u5ONnBg0m5djn9vfVHN7EtLZxhUfD974PPY5tFSLFVlE/s320/Cross-Eyed+Surgeon.jpg

...and then there was "Alexa". I can't even begin to describe what kind of wonky eye she had, because the problem was not the eye itself....it was what was behind her eyes.

As she blurted out random comments on things I could care less about, she kept looking in all different directions, never letting her eyes settle on one spot for two long. Add in a stupid smile with a tilted head and you have one of the most terrifying things I have ever seen. This is my version of her inner monologue-

A-Oh look, a black guy touching himself
A-Oh look, a sign! Too bad a can't read :(
A-Oh......
A-Oh it's my friend.....you know....what's'her'name
A-Oh, I just peed.....I think

All this time, her poor friend is sitting there trying to have a legitimate conversation with this succubus and out of nowhere, Alexa says "hummmm. Mneeerp. I want to go sweeeeeming!" And within a second, her friend pulled out a bathing suit from her purse and Alexa promptly started rubbing her face with it, looking like that ugly fuck from the LOTR that calls his ring "precious".

Enter my twisted mind.

I was thinking this morning, after recounting my adventures with Alexa, how funny it would be if the story had gone a little differently. This surge of brilliance came this morning when I was reading about the BOX OF HUMAN HEADS that was found on a South Western plane heading to Arkansas.

I imagined that instead of the bathing suit being pulled out, it was instead a human head from that flight. Nothing else changes.....imagine.

I'm sure I will see Alexa again....if nowhere else than in my dreams. But even there, I wouldn't trust her if my life depended on it. Her and her shady eyes.

LOVE AND STRUGGS
B DANN

PS-I just saw a commercial for a dating website called cougarlife.....I hope Andy is on it!!!