Ryan, my future roommate, and I took a trek out to Brooklyn the other day to try and find some apartments. Upon exiting the train, at least three people spoke Spanish to us....
Don't get me wrong I love me a Spanish man. But I am obviously white, and although I did take Spanish in high school that does not qualify me to be a translator. We were in Bushwick.....should have been a sign...and this would happen for the rest of the 7+ hours that we were walking (exaggeration possible).
As we stood on the corner waiting for our mysterious realtor, a lady with a traveling "ice box" came trolling across the street attempting to do a wheelie over the obviously too high curb. Her "cart" started to tip so Ryan and I did the gentlemanly thing and helped her out. She gave us many thanks in Spanish, and I'm pretty sure she either said we were handsome or hairy but I couldn't remember which one was which. At the very end, she asked us if we wanted "ice". The reason i put it in quotes? There were no stickers indicating anything was in the box, and she also asked us the same way a hooker would ask if we would like a ten dollar special....which by the way is not that special apparently.....
With that, a man yelled at us from the top of a building. This of course was our realtor. And the excitement begins! We walked in to the apartment building with open hearts and minds to be greeted by a druglevel-sweat drenched man wearing gym clothes and an unattractive blue tooth head set. His name was Michael, and he liked to "GET STUFF DONE! YA KNOW?!"
The apartment was a mess, and some random guy with his privileged daughter were there slithering over our every move. The walls were...well, not put together properly, and things were literally falling apart. I'll preface what I say next with a fact; I did commercial construction for three years and was a licensed asbestos abater. Now the conversation-
Me-When was the building last inspected for lead and asbestos?
Mike-Oh those were made illegal in 1976. (side note, lead paint was made illegal in 1978 and asbestos in 1989.....)
Me-I'm aware. That's why I'm asking if the building has been inspected before renovations were made.
Mike-Well the building was made after the 70's so those wouldn't have been used.
Me-Ok, I just wanted to ask because I did construction for three years and I know that certain materials were still used after the bane.
Mike-I've been doing construction for 15 years! I did this place, that's why it looks so good.
Legit, walls were crooked.
Mike tried showing us another apartment, but the super could not be contacted....hmmm. He has called us about three times since our visit trying to find other places for us.
Rapid Realty, aka I NEED YOU TO TAKE THIS APARTMENT SO I CAN PAY CHILD SUPPORT
Rapid Realty.... S my D.
LOVE AND STRUGGS
B DANN
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