Alright so I know that its been WAY too long since my last entry, and normally I would apologize for not having written for so long. It's too late to apologize.
Really, I have nothing to be sorry for. January and February were tough months for me. As many of you know, I have this little theory about people "getting it" and being successful within their own grasps. Well, I didn't feel very "getting it...y" over the last couple of weeks. I had several interviews for jobs that I never really wanted that only lead to rejection. I was creating this whirlwind of woe-is-me vibe for myself by creating these opportunities that weren't cosmically aligned with where the rest of me was going.
Cosmically aligned I say? Yes. My last entry was about how 2011 was going to be my little twinky bitch and that wasn't a lie. I could feel it in my bones that 2011 was going to be a really big year for me vocationally, spiritually and mentally. What I should have seen coming was hardship before success. Being on the precipice of something greater is actually horrifying, and the fact that I can see it makes it even more tremendous. Impatience lead me to believe that I had to grab at every opportunity in front of me so I didn't miss the right one. Thankfully, my cosmically charged body....and yes I wish that meant filled with cosmos ALL THE TIME!!!...wasn't going to allow me to just stroll past my best direction by taking the first one I saw.
I have a quote that I soon wish to have smeared across some portion of my body - "Luck is nothing more than being prepared at the right moment". After leaving my internship with an awesome Broadway management company, I assumed that my moment was here to be had. My supervisor, in one last stitch effort to rid me any bad habits, simply said, "Don't' just take the next thing. Make sure it's something you actually want". You mean, I don't have to sell soup for a living? And yes, I was actually up for a job to sell soup at a wholesale level...
Bitch, I KNOW IM AWESOME! Sorry. Too much. But I kept telling myself this, every day, with either some Celine or Gaga playing in my head, that I really am awesome. And I have plenty of friends who feed the dragon inside me real cosmos to keep it from escaping my body and burning everything down with bitter wit-branded fire, but the cosmos can only help so much.
Beginning of my Emo hipster moment.
I was walking in the rain a couple of weeks ago.....in the east village...when I came across a "dangerously cheap" urban art gallery.....with a group of dredlocked trustfunders standing outside smoking their newly rolled cigs...and telling me that I had to check out the piece made out of PBR cans, when I noticed something really fantastic.
I obviously became obsessed with this picture and made it into a skin for my iPhone because that's how I express myself OK?!
Flash forward to today. I'm walking out of the post office in Astoria, having just dropped off some really tenderoni thank you notes to the old internship, when I decide to play Britney's new song "Till the World Ends". I'm strutting my biggest strut, model walking up Steinway, stomping on bitches as I go and really taking in all the things I never noticed before.
Suddenly, and without warning, a big gay angel came crashing into me and gave me sight. Sight into something that had always been in front of me but I had assumed it was locked or something like that...maybe people were hooking up behind it and like...I don't want to interrupt because I know how much I would hate that so...
But dammit I was going to interrupt today! Looking at that photo all newly plastered on my phone and listening to the lyrics-
"Keep on dancing till the world ends
If you feel it let it happen"
-it was all very carpe diem. Seize the day Newsies shit. Christian Bale would be proud and not in a yelling way.
Perhaps all I am is on giant hallmark of cheesy to-live-by quotes. Something beautiful happened today though, and it made me recognize that through all the hardship and struggles I have great friends and a lot to be thankful for. Not many people can say they've taken pretty big steps to advance themselves career-wise or even personally. I can safely say that I've had a bumpy road to where I am now, but I'm farther than I ever imagined for myself and I know I still have a long way to go. That big queenie angel in the sky aka the "Clubbing Gay Hipster Cloud People" let me see what great things I've been missing for awhile....I just had to go through the back door is all. ;)
So I leave you with this.
No one lives forever, so keep on dancing till the world ends because luck is nothing more than being prepared at the right moment.
-With Tiger's blood because we are Vatican warlock assassins.
All hale the Sheen.
LOVE AND STRUGGS
B DANN
PS-My next post will be about my new obsession with the number 11.....
